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Rank: Newbie  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/28/2011 Posts: 8
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Hi everyone I'm really depressed. My husband has been a complete pig over the last few months and has been having an affair. He has been back and forth, and two weeks ago said he doesn't want to be with her, wants to support me and the kids through my RA etc, etc. I am on methotrexate and take it on Mondays; it makes me really sick and fatigued. He was meant to be at work on Monday, but I have found out he took his girlfriend out for dinner whilst I was laying on the sofa vomiting, with my kids running around trying to look after me. On top of this, I was assaulted a few months ago and have a court case to look forward to, and was diagnosed with RA three weeks ago. I have really had enough...this year has been awful. I just want to drink a bottle of wine but know I can't cos of this crappy medicine. I can;t stop crying. I'm 41 and feel like I'm 100 today...I feel so low. 
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Oh Sue, I'm so sorry to hear all this, what a lot for you to cope with!
I know you have enough going on to make you feel depressed, but RA and depression do tend to go hand in hand so I would suggest you talk to your GP and tell him how bad you are feeling.
Lots of us on here take antidepressant drugs and it could be just what you need , and may help you to feel strong enough to tackle your problems.
Please make an appointment with your GP, you don't have to suffer like this.
Sending love and hugs, Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/14/2011 Posts: 301 Location: South Hampshire
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Hi Sue
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a bad time. You really have my sympathy in your situation. I know how hard it is when we feel so low and many of us have been there. It is so hard to stay positive when everything is going so wrong. Do you have a friend you could meet with and talk to? or is there a family member that you could phone. If not, give the helpline a ring on Monday (perhaps do that anyway). In the meantime, try and keep yourself busy with the children to try and take your mind off things. I know this is only a temporary solution... but it might get you through the weekend. Give yourself small goals - like read a story to one of your children - watch something on the tv that you enjoy - have a cup of tea and a biscuit - listen to some music, if you like music - find a youtube clip that is funny. I have a list on my computer of things to do, when I just don't feel able to do anything but cry - so I can work through the list.
I wish there was more I could do but I will be thinking of you.
with lots of love and a very big cyber hug.
Anne xxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/21/2010
Posts: 178
Location: aberdeen
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hello rivermum
I am so sorry that you are having to cope with all these additional sadnesses as well as being newly diagnosed with RA, it is completely understandable that you feel so wretched.
Do you have a sympathetic ear, mum, sister, girlfriend that you can talk to this evening and make an appointment to see your GP or community nurse soon because you are emotionally overloaded at the moment.
It is almost beyond belief that your husband can be so insensitive though it would seem from the timing that he has been trying to break it off with her since you were diagnosed so perhaps he doesn't want to be with her but can't quite manage ending it.
.....eve xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 6/18/2010 Posts: 351 Location: Herne Bay Kent
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Hi Sue
I am so sorry to hear you are having such a dreadful time at the moment. I think that the advice already given is excellent and you should make an appointment to see your gp as soon as possible. Do hope you have good friends and family around to support you at this difficult time. Are you taking a stomach protector to help with the effects of the Methotrexate? I know that some people on here use injections instead as this seems to help with the side effects.
Best Wishes
Sue
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Hi Sue
I can only echo the thoughts of the other posts and just want to say that I am so terrible sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. I know from your earlier posts that you are a very positive person and with a great sense of humor and whatever happens will eventually be the best for the future. Make sure you get lots of support at the moment you know we are all here for you.
With love Julia x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/13/2010 Posts: 786 Location: east anglia
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you really are between a rock and a hard place, get the help for yourself FIRST and then you will feel stronger to deal with whats going on and by then you will have you'r head in control and be able to make decisions clearly, i hope you do have a good friend or family member that can sit on the fence to listen, that sometimes is all we need just someone to listen and by having that it can become clear in making a choice,sending really big cuddle,dorothy
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/7/2009
Posts: 176
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What a lot you have on your plate! I endorse everything that has been said so far. The only thing I would add, is perhaps to move taking your Methotrexate to the Sunday, so hopefully, you can have 'him' around for the kids.
Keep posting so that we know how you are doing
Mandy_M
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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Hello rivermum, This is one of those periods in your life when everything is just too much. As a 60 year old who has been down where you are now (for different reasons) I CAN tell you that there is a lot of help out there and that this phase in your life WILL pass. Nothing lasts for ever. However, right at this moment in time you need help from your GP, I went when I was as low as low can be and was put on a gentle anti depressant which has worked wonders. That said-your husband IS behaving like an absolute *&£"**$£ bleep bleep. Go to your GP, get yourself some help and advice and then you will be in a better position to think about what YOU want to do. I really hope that you have someone close to help you through this but you must tell them how it is or they can't help. Lots of hugs Julie. YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Newbie Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/28/2011 Posts: 8
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Thank you, all of you for your words of support. I feel a lot better today. My girlfriends all came to see me today and have been wonderful to both me and the kids. My kids are very, very angry with him, my boys of 20 and 14 can't even look at their dad, my 17 year old has told him exactly what she thinks of him and 11 year old Scarlett disappears when he turns up. I'm going to see my GP in the morning.
I'm lucky to have a hell of a lot of great friends around me...I'm normally a very positive jokey person who helps everyone...so now they're paying me back in droves!!! My mum is in Ireland and feels useless....although I think next time she comes over she'll turn my husband into a eunuch!!!!!
Thanks again everyone xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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Tee Hee! I like the sound of that last sentence! So glad to hear you have a aupport system around you  YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Good to hear you have some support Sue, let us know how you get on at the docs.
As for your husband.....the quicker you get your Mum over fom Ireland the better!
Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 2,237 Location: nr Southampton
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Just caught up with this thread and SUE! What an utterly dreadful time.
I have been through a horrid divorce in the past and I can so tell you my life is a million times better now although I was utterly devastated at the time and could see no future at all.
I have a couple of very dear friends who have truly stuck with us through thick and thin, a couple of them are friends met through this forum actually.
I can tell you that all of the friends whos DHs have gone off with other people its a repeating pattern, sadly. You really are worth so much more in terms of respect! I know its complex with children in the picture.
Take great care.
Jenni xx
PS Vomitting like that after MTX Is pretty extreme and you really need to be seen about this- a lot can be done, alternatives offered etc.how to be a velvet bulldoser
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 714
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Just wanted to say I am thinking about you and your family and hopefully karma will catch up with your Husband.
Take care
Jackie
xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Coming in late on this thread, Sue - sorry things are not great at the moment for you, but I`m so, so glad you have strong support around you.Your mum sounds as if she has the right idea!! Take care, Kathleen x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/28/2011 Posts: 956 Location: North Preston
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Oh Sue. You poor love. I agree with everything everyone else has said. I know you are very down right now but I am glad you are going to your GP tomorrow. You definitely need something to get you through this awful time. Try and think of the positive things in your life like your children and your great friends. Don't let your poor excuse for a husband get you down. You are stronger than that and you WILL come out of this a better and stronger person. The forum is always open and we will all help you as best we can. Glad you have had a better day with your friends today.
Sheila x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 11/20/2010 Posts: 244 Location: Cornwall
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Hello Sue,
Just caught up on this one, pig is too mild, I know what I'd like to do to him but I'd be arrested.
I was diagnosed 3 weeks after my father in law died so yes it felt like it was all too much and I never thought I'd come out the other side with any sort of sanity. Luckily I was never very sane anyway so didn't take that much to get through the other side. Its the biggest roller coaster I've ever been on and I've been in some very scary places at times. This site was so helpful at that time and still is for me I find the support here incredible, so keep spilling to us lot girl, we're there for you.
I agree with Jenni about the vomitting, get that checked out asap, I felt very sick at first with the MTX but never actually chucked.
Sara
x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/14/2011 Posts: 301 Location: South Hampshire
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Hi Sue
Hope your GP is helpful today. Your kids are older than I thought.. so you could have a family meeting. I did this when I was first ill. We all sat round the table and talked about who could help with what job. I was amazed at what they all chose! I would have probably done a rota, but one wanted to clean the bathrooms, one wanted to do all the hoovering and one wanted to do the washing, drying etc. They were all happy helping clearing and laying the table together... and they all loaded the dishwasher and took it in turns to unload it. I was amazed at their willingness to help when I explained the situation. I also did the shopping online and got it delivered when they could help put it all away. I think they are more willing to help when they know you really need it, and when they have some control over what they have to do! Later on I got a cleaner, as they were all getting towards exams! but they still do the washing, meal help and dishwasher unloading!!
Let us know how you get on.
lots of love
Anne
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Rank: Newbie Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/28/2011 Posts: 8
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Wow you ladies really are superstars...thank you so much for everything you have said, I really, really appreciate it. You are all going through so many things yourselves, yet find the time to help other people. I hope I can do the same for you all someday soon I'm seeing the GP tonight, so fingers crossed she sorts me out! I have had some good news...the man who assaulted me (he threw a full can of coke in my face from his car, travelling at 60 miles an hour) pleaded guilty this morning, so I don't need to go to trial!!!! I'm so relieved, a huge weight has been lifted. I just now need to use my wordsmith powers to write a Victim Impact Statement which will be read out in court, so he will get a nice harsh sentence hopefully. Once done, I can then get on with the serious business of thinking of ways NOT to murder my husband haha. Hope you all have a good day, thanks again. Sue xxx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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Just wanted to say good luck Sue. Hope you got on ok today. Being married to a man who repeatedly cheats and makes you feel bad is sooo much worse than being a sole parent Much love xx Ailsa
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